Okay soooo, I'm gonna be honest. I bought these boots on a total whim. I thought to myself, "Debbie, you don't have enough sparkly Maryland flag stuff - you need a statement piece that screams, LOOK AT ME IN ALL MY GLORY!" I wasn't completely prepared for the series of events that these boots would trigger though. First, I wore them to my family reunion down at Stansbury Park. Everyone knew I was there before I even said a word! You'd think my cousins Donnie and Donna would have been impressed, but they just gave me a look - and then my very own mother mumbled something about my inability to tone it down when it comes to the Maryland flag. Mind you, my mother lives exclusively in MR Ducks gear, so I did my best to ignore her. But THEN, everything escalated. I wore them to the Sollers Point Library. As you can probably tell, these boots are loud - like blindingly sparkly. In the daylight, they reflect enough of the sun's rays to cause small animals to scatter. I'm talking squirrels, birds, my uncle's dog even yelped and ran away. I realized I was a walking disco ball, which would've been fine except I was at the library. The librarian asked me to please stand in the shadows because I was apparently disturbing the readers with my "brilliance". But wait—there’s more! On a night out, some random guy yelled ‘Hey, it’s the Maryland Boot Lady!’ Now I have a title I never asked for, and random people want to know if I can teach them about Maryland's history. Do I look like a walking Wikipedia? No. But now I have new friends named Ali Von Paris, ‘Crabby,’ ‘Old Bay,’ and ‘Flagman,’ who text me Maryland fun facts at 3 a.m. Anyway, these boots are a conversation piece, a local wildlife deterrent, and a way to instantly announce your presence within a three-mile radius. Pros? They’re oddly comfortable for rhinestone boots, and if you ever need a spotlight for an impromptu karaoke performance, just angle your foot and BAM! Cons? Prepare to have your social life, vision, and dignity irrevocably affected. Proceed with caution.
