Picture this: you’re taking a leisurely stroll through Patterso¬n Park, the sun is playing peek-a-boo with the clouds, and suddenly, you’re ambushed by a posse of feline florals who demand $60 from you. That’s what happened to me, and in return, these magical cat flowers gave me this sweatshirt. It’s a purrrrrfectly arranged bouquet, and even more so because each flower has a cat where its flower head thing is supposed to be. Their bodies are also feline in nature, which has me constantly wondering if they’re more cat or more flower. I’m not sure who planted them, but I feel like they’re what every garden party has been missing. Of course, I’m also not sure about the number of garden parties being held at Patterson Park.

I’ll be honest, I could have just gotten a plain, garden-variety, sweatshirt (see what I did there?), but why be a wallflower when you could metamorphose into a walking, talking cat-flower hybrid? The green on this sweatshirt is identical to the color of envy I’ve seen on my friends’ faces because they don’t have one. Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just more dedicated to telling the world that I like my cats with a side of pollen.

I’m still shaken up by the flower cats jumping me at the park and taking my money, but much like a hostage with Stockholm syndrome, I’m learning to love my feline overlords. For a mere $60, I got a wearable piece of embroidered art. So I ask you, why are you not interested in cuddling a bouquet of cats right now? So make your wallet cough up a hairball because you can’t really put a price on the majesty of this torso-covering garment. Just don’t let me see you wearing it at the same time as me.

Picture this: you’re taking a leisurely stroll through Patterso¬n Park, the sun is playing peek-a-boo with the clouds, and suddenly, you’re ambushed by a posse of feline florals who demand $60 from you. That’s what happened to me, and in return, these magical cat flowers gave me this sweatshirt. It’s a purrrrrfectly arranged bouquet, and even more so because each flower has a cat where its flower head thing is supposed to be. Their bodies are also feline in nature, which has me constantly wondering if they’re more cat or more flower. I’m not sure who planted them, but I feel like they’re what every garden party has been missing. Of course, I’m also not sure about the number of garden parties being held at Patterson Park.

I’ll be honest, I could have just gotten a plain, garden-variety, sweatshirt (see what I did there?), but why be a wallflower when you could metamorphose into a walking, talking cat-flower hybrid? The green on this sweatshirt is identical to the color of envy I’ve seen on my friends’ faces because they don’t have one. Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just more dedicated to telling the world that I like my cats with a side of pollen.

I’m still shaken up by the flower cats jumping me at the park and taking my money, but much like a hostage with Stockholm syndrome, I’m learning to love my feline overlords. For a mere $60, I got a wearable piece of embroidered art. So I ask you, why are you not interested in cuddling a bouquet of cats right now? So make your wallet cough up a hairball because you can’t really put a price on the majesty of this torso-covering garment. Just don’t let me see you wearing it at the same time as me.